My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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