brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
