Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
