Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
