hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
