forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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