The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
