So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
