Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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