when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
