I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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