Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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