Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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