Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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