News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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