i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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