life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
