we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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