Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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