forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
