To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
