You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
