I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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