dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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