Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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