Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
