I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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