don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
