We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
