just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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