Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
