My liver just broke up with me...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
