Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
