people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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