i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
