ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
