Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
