alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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