saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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