Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
