at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
