u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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