i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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