i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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