so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
