the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
