Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
