Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is my life. Enjoy the view
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
