So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
