I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
