i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
