you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
